We're going to start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine, sit talking up all night.

Have you ever suddenly felt aware of time? Like a big clock smacking you in the face? A big, digital alarm clock over the head. A 10 foot pendulum from the grandfather clock of life sweeping you off your feet like the Ocean Motion ride at Calaway Park.

I hated that ride.

I had that realization today. That I'm spending tangible minutes thinking about intangible things. Moments that never happened, words that were never said. Agreeing to waking up at 5:30. It's a good reason. You're a good reason. I'm a regular lovesick teenager. Didn't see this coming. Keep my feet grounded. Tape them down. Bolt them down. Tie weights to my waist. Hold my hands tighter. I can feel my better judgement floating out of the top of my head. Quick: kiss me. Bring me back to Earth.

Feelings are terrifying.

I'm getting awful friendly with my old flame, Procrastination. Oh, we were happy together, but it was an unhealthy relationship. He talked me into things I would regret - a persuasive guy, you know the type. Well, Procrastination and I, we were together for my grade ten year. It was only when I met Stress that I realized how violent the relationship had gotten. Like the frog in water that's slowly heating up? Stress showed me how much Procrastination was hurting me. Then I met Accomplishment - oh he was a doll. Caring, passionate - I was happy around him. He completed me. But lately Accomplishment has seemed distant, and even when we are together, I don't feel like the spark is there anymore. And, well, Procrastination came over last night. Brought some Chinese food, showed me some YouTube videos... it was so relaxing. I always feel like my relationship with Accomplishment is too much work. But Stress and I were talking... and maybe Procrastination is a bad influence on me. I always feel sick when he leaves and Stress comes over. Stress makes me feel like I'm cheating on Accomplishment. And maybe, in some sickly way, I am.

I can't tell if I'm witty. I can't tell if I'm a lot of things. I'm not terribly self aware. I can't even tell if I'm blushing.

IMPENDING DOOM

1. Debate nationals. Leaving Thursday.

1-1. Finish preparation for debates.

1-2. Pack.

1-3. Sync iPod.

2. Read books.

2-1. King Lear.

2-2. Hamlet.

2-3. Othello.

2-4. Great Expectations.

2-5. The Wars.

2-6. Death of a Salesman.

2-7. Flowers for Algernon. Again.

3. Alter graduation dress.

3-1. Find graduation shoes.

3-2. Find someone to sit with at grad.

3-3. Graduate high school.

4. Stop being an idiot.

4-1. Start acting like a normal person.

4-2. Bite the bullet and put it on facebook.

4-3. Learn how to make you happy.

4-4. Cherish. Every. Single. Moment.

5. Breathe in.

5-1. Breathe out.

6. Say what you have to say. Time is running out.

Just fucking kiss me.

Life goal.