I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

I like lists.

A couple months ago I made a list. A list that would change the world as we know it. In a really selfish-nobody-else-matters sort of way.

Today, I got to check off all but one of those items. And that item requires trekking down to southwest Calgary with a camera and a will to survive. I think I'll do that in the next couple weeks. That'll be the final act. However, this time around, everybody doesn't die. This is Romeo and Juliet take two. Except nothing like that. At all.

Yoga has made it painfully obvious how inflexable I really am. I'm sorry, Miss Yoga Instructor, I cannot put my leg over my other leg vertically while in downward-dog. In fact, I don't think you should either. You, Madame, are a quack. Eat yoga mat, bitch.

I DREW A FISH TODAY! I now have mascots for this blog! One yellow bird and one red fish. I shall be posting photos of my little friends shortly. I hope you will all accept them for who they are and make them feel welcomed in this little circle of blogs.

"Hell, I can get you a toe by 3'o clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs."

For reasons unknown, I lost all sanity in the last couple days. Some days I couldn't stop talking and other days I couldn't say more than "I'm hungry." Then there were times I sent stupid text messages without giving them any thought whatsoever. And finally, I spent a half hour considering how many quarters I spent trying to see you. And then I wrote a song about it. Every thousand years, someone in the Carter-Beaule family breaks down. This was my go. Technically speaking, I'm the only Carter-Beaule in the world. I'm like Tigger. (Please take note that Tigger is actually a cat.)

I credit my return to planet Earth to Michael Jackson.

I can breathe again.