Make it possible for all white boys to dance.

Sometimes I worry that Kurt Cobain will wake up from his paper-thin poster state and be very disappointed that he's in my dress closet. So I've been leaving one door open.

Just in case.

Today I noticed the dollar value going down while my friend put money into the Transit ticket dispensers. I tapped the screen violently, thinking that the machine was simply eating her money and asking for more.

Then I realized it counts down to what you have left to pay. Unfortunately this was after I yelled something to the effect of, "WHY IS IT GOING DOWN!?" Heh. Check please...

I've realized despite how positive I am when I'm around people, I can be very negative when alone. I just don't like being alone with myself when I'm guilt-stricken. There are so many things to be happy about though. For instance, tea, stars, pianos, roses and cats.

I could live the rest of my life with those five things. Maybe some love too. I like a little love with my tea. Speaking of love. Why is it that after you're convinced you've felt love, after it's over, you're not sure what it feels like anymore. Any sensation after that feels new and different and better than the last. What was once love is no longer love.

But when you're in love, or what you think is love, losing it is the most vile thought in the world. It seems like that would be something similar to falling off the edge of the earth. The end. I find that never goes nicely with tea. However, when it's actually over, it's not the end of the world. People move on, they grow up, they learn a little more and live a little more. Perhaps that's a clue that it wasn't really love.

Q: Does that mean it's only real love if you can't live after it's gone?

A: I should fucking hope not.

It's funny how we dilude ourselves. We like to think that love is love, and it's forever. I know that love is one of the strongest emotions we feel as humans, but it's not always forever. It's not just one person. It's not just one chance. But damn, if it was, we'd all be on a 1 in 6 billion man hunt. And every spring, thousands of women would scour the world for Mr. Right, tearing everything in their way to heart-shaped bits. Be careful what you wish for, kids.

Love is worth fighting for. It's worth killing for and dying for and standing under a tree with a GPS for. It's worth waiting for and dreaming about and wishing on stars. It's sickening and healing and mysterious. Love wins over clubs, spades, hearts and diamonds. Love is for optimists.

I'm not expecting one grand finale, a big bang or an epiphany. I don't think I'll find something that makes every other experience worth forgetting, I don't think I'd want to find that either. There is love everywhere you look in this world. But it's got to start somewhere, lust, infatuation, "like-like". Whatever shoots your arrow.

To the ones who have found it, you're the luckiest people in the world. To the people who haven't found it, you're looking too hard.

Cheers, fellow hopeless romantics.

If you don't like cats, chances are, I don't like you.